Let's get personal with ThePopHeir

All those nights I was crying myself to sleep and praying are starting to pay off. I’ve always complained about how sucky my life is but things are starting to look good. Its premature to celebrate or announce it yet but it feels good that my life is going in the right direction and I can thank my family for this. I can’t really say what this positive thing in my life is yet but it is definitely not a guy. Which leads me to another decision I have made. I will not have a relationship or look for one this year and the next. Think about it as leave from the dating/desperate scene. Of course that being said it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be interested. I just wouldn’t make any moves that’s all.

I just hope and pray things do turn out in a positive way soon!

Gosh! My job has matured my face! I still look under 20 but there is definitely a change. I compared my appearance from my first YouTube videos.. I just look more mature in a way.. Not sure if I’m liking it..

We Love The Japanese!!!!

lol

I’m tired of being played! I was so naive to think that guys out there are gentlemen. It was another one of those rude awakenings of life. I’ve met up with a few guys and gone out with them. I really thought I was really getting the hang of things but boy was I wrong! The guys I’ve met up seemed to be really nice and had my best interest at heart. Then all of a sudden I hear they are already in a relationship and basically making me a 3rd party! This has happened to me at least 4 times now. Guys in Hong Kong are f*ckin jerks!

Now I usually go for western guys, when I say that he doesn’t have to be white. The guy must be westernised. Now many of you might think of something racist or something like that but I have a legit reason. I was in a 3 year relationship with a closeted Filipino/Asian, who grew up the typical conservative asian way. He was so afraid to come out of the closet, I had to just say goodbye. So I do not want to go through that drama all over again. I’d rather go for someone who shares the values as I do.

Back to the point of this entry. I have been on dates and when things start to get really heated or serious, which every comes first. I find out they are in relationships so meaning they just want me for sex. As flattering as that might sound to some of you, its not for me! I would horrible if I found out my partner was fooling around so I just ended communication with those guys. I was so naive! The last guy to fool me just told me about his BF a few days ago. That’s when I realised love is something extremely hard if not impossible to find in Hong Kong. It is sad but I have promised myself now that I will not go out with guys or do anything similiar to that until I leave. It is clear now that destiny has something else planned for me and I have to act now.

I need to find a place where I belong, where I can be happy, grow emotionally and professionally. I hope and pray it will be soon.

I believe in the saying “Things happen for a reason”. Just a few posts ago i felt happy then suddenly fell flat on my face. Just when I thought I was escaping the blackhole I’m suddenly pulled back. It was a reminder of what I must do I guess. I look at it as a wake up call, that it’s time to take charge and be more responsible. I find it hard not to complain but I know there is something bigger planned for me and I must not stray from the plan ahead. This year is filled with a lot of pain and frustration but it’s getting better as I discover myself. Slowly but surely I’d say! Basically I need to take more control, though I must say goodbye to my childish ways. It is time to be a stone cold bitch and face the world with a face the world proud and confident.

To be honest, I rarely have weeks where I find myself in a good mood all the time. However, I’ve been quite happy and satisfied this week. I don’t know why exactly but I just feel it. It maybe because there is a guy kind of flirting a lot with me lately and I have to say, I’m liking the attention that I have been getting. I’ve missed the feeling of a guy just paying attention to me just because he can. LOL. I don’t want to to go into detail about it as its only been a few days and I don’t really know him that well yet to say anything more than that. All I can say I just like the attention.

Yesterday, I met up with a youtuber from the UK. Jess, it was a really nice experience meeting up with her and just talking. I initially thought we would be just talking about make up and beauty products but then we started to talk about other things we were interested in. Like men. LOL. It was fun just to hangout with someone who shared the same passion of just talking to camera. Plus she is very easy to get a long with and not only that I can sense is a very open minded person. I really appreciate that kind of personality. She was so nice because she got me a few things and I was supose to pay her but she wouldn’t let me which made me feel bad about not getting her anything. Gosh! :( Then she treated me basically the whole day. We eat twice and she paid for it, I didn’t want her to but she kept on inssisting and she is the type that won’t let you! If you are reading Jess, THANK YOU again for yesterday!

So yesterday morning I went to Toni&Guy to get my roots done. I went on a monday because they give 10% discount on chemical treatments on Mondays & Tuesdays. So I just wanted to get my roots done, but when they were doing my hair they said if I wanted to change the entire colour because the stylist said my hair was turning yellow and that they would an ash toner. I said ok because it was basically a refresher but at a cheaper price. First try it was way too light! Like platinum blonde with unflattering tones of yellow. I wasn’t surprised, almost everytime I get my hair coloured they make mistakes on the first try. They always over estimate my hair. You see I am mostly Asian but I recently found out my hair texture is that of a Caucasian’s. So of all the things I could have inherited from my White ancestors why the hair texture only? Lol but anyway, the stylist put a dark ash toner.. Looked a tad darker than what I originally had but it was ok.. Looks amazing in the salon but in daylight, it was still fab but not as fab in the salon. When I got home it was a bit too dark so I started to shampoo some of it off.. Not sure if I love it. Might get it redone, the beauty of paying a lot of money is that if you’re not satisfied they will fix it

When I was younger I would have premonitions of the future. They would come during my sleep and I would just think they were dreams but some of the dreams just turn out to be just dreams while others do actually happen. Some were just not so ordinary events like I saw this guy dropped his book in my dream. Just plain things like that. But there were times it was something big. The biggest premonition I had was of me texting on a Motorola V3 then I looked up and saw my crush, then we spoke. It was 2007 so you know V3 was really in! At the time of my premonition, I didn’t have a V3 so I asked my parents if they would buy one for me. Then one day it came true. Gosh was I red when that happened.

But anyway, now you get my point of my premonitions can be about something big or something pretty useless. I use to have them more often then I do now.. Maybe it’s because I’m busier now than I was back then. So to the point of my entry, recently I have been having dreams of me entertaining a gentleman. When I say that I mean I was dancing for him. Dont judge me, maybe I was drunk. Now I know this was a premonition and not a fantasy because it was vaguely detailed. Most dreams are so well detailed because it’s something you want to happen. But premonitions you only see the main point of. So one premonition was of me dancing and I couldnt see his face. I only saw that he was sitting on a chair, he was wearing brown pants. Basically I could only see part of him. That’s another feature of some of my premonitions I do not see it from my point of view sometimes.. Sometimes it’s like I’m watching a tv show and the camera is just pointed at the wrong direction or I’m seeing myself through the eyes of the viewer. You know what I mean.

Another premonition was of me and a light haired guy at a bar but we had a table. The view this time was from the bar tender’s point of view, the bar tender was looking at our table that’s why I could tell we were at a bar and the guy was light haired. It appeared we were having a good time. Couldn’t hear what was going on though. But definitely didn’t look like an ordinary Hk bar. So this must have been in SoHo or in another country. Which could make this an event that will happen in a few years if it’s really in another country. But i had blonde hair in the visions so its confusing. Because i dont plan on keeping ky hair blonde forever. I mean i would if i could but then i dont think they accept blonde asians in the medical field. Gosh, I don’t know. But with the recent things happening to me, I just feel like it’s not here in Hk.

Could these premonitions come true soon or in the distant future or are they just wishful dreams. Whatever they may be, I’ll just have to wait and find out.

It’s no big secret that I’m single. I’ve been single for around 8 months now. I think I broke up with my ex around December of 2010. Don’t really remember the date and all the other details, it was a painful experience. I had to end a relationship that just had no future and that was just plain abusive. Emotionally, of course.

For the past few months, I had difficulty adjusting being single. I was in a relationship for 3 years, it was going to be 4 years. Thank goodness I woke up and saw how bad things were. I just didn’t want to think or talk about my failed relationship. Just felt too painful and I just couldn’t face it. But it got better everyday. However during my time of healing, I have to admit I became extremely desperate. I went on dates searching for a guy to fill in the void. Of course I didn’t find anyone. Some where nice but some were total jerks.

After the chaotic part of my life, I started to realise that I didn’t need a guy to be there to help me stand. Don’t get me wrong if an interesting guy came around, I still would consider a relationship but I’d be more weary of this and I wouldn’t just jump into one.

Right now, I feel a sense of peace. I just woke up one day and all those emotions just felt like they were gone. No more pain, random thoughts of him that would make me stop what I was doing. No more feeling of desperation of needing a man by my side or at least knowing I’m in a relationship. Just feels more free and happier. My friends have noticed my glow is back, I just think I have my confidence and self respect back. Maybe it’s my new hair, the recent good news I received but for whatever reason it is. I’m thankful to God, and I can finally say I’m official over it. I’ve official moved on. Sure the scares will always be there but I’ll just remember the happier times. It wasn’t all that bad, he just didnt love me enough and I’ve learned to accept that..

Time to wait for the next best thing to happen…

Things never go according to plan. This seems to be very true for me, during the past year. Ever since passing the board exam, things started to crumble beneath me. I’m not entirely sure if everybody in this stage of life experiences this. When I first came back home, I was so happy as I missed my family and my life in Hong Kong. I had this plan in my head that I would find a job I liked, save enough money to start my own life else where. During the first few months of being back, I had a rude awakening! I started to realise how ugly the world is and how most people are just plain rude. When you are young, your parent’s provide you protect from the ugly truth about the world. You may see the ugliness of the world when you are young but you never truly understand it but I started to see it all. I tried to look for a job in nursing or any field of medicine that I could use for experience. However, every email I sent met no reply. I had a few interviews but ended getting “we’ll call you” answers. I was still hopeful at the time, I knew I lacked any experience and that I looked younger than my real age but I didn’t let this deter me. Once day, I found a job in a call centre, I though may be I can just take this for a while. Things were running smoothly at the job but I had yearning to return to my chosen field so I turned down a promotion thinking things would be ok. This was also the time I broke up with my Boyfriend of 3 years. I won’t go into detail but I broke up with him because I realised I’ll never have the happy life I dreamt of having with him. He was still in the closet, though I’m sure about now. But anyway, I started to realise how bad the relationship was for me and I had to say goodbye to my first love. Yes, my first love. So you guys can relate how hard that period was for me. 

I have a new job at the moment as a call centre agent again. I’m considering leaving again because its basically a shitty place to work. My love life sucks, I’ve met a few guys that I thought could be my new prince charming but every guy seems to be a jerk or has a flaw I cannot overlook. I’ve now accepted what I seek is not here in Hong Kong and I just need to go through all of this for now. I know God is there watching and He won’t let me fall but there are nights I lay in my bed and realise all these things. I admit there are nights I cry but I hold on tight to the hope that this will all pass…